Good And Bad Essay Coherence

Let’s talk about coherence now this paragraph came from an essay about whether the government should invest in public transportation okay now this was sent to me by my friend Adriano from Brazil and he was very gracious and let me use this for the lesson what I want to show you here is that although he has good ideas the coherence doesn’t really exist because he’s trying to put too many ideas into this paragraph it’s very important to remember one paragraph has one central focus and that central focus should be made very clear in the topic sentence so first let’s read the paragraph to begin with enhancing the quality of public transportation should be mandatory for any government especially in countries dealing with mobility issues owning a car is unaffordable for many people leading most citizens to depend daily on public transportation. Find out how to make your essay more coherent onĀ Robotdon.

Seemingly some governments acknowledge that if they had a good public transportation system they would be more likely to attract international investments and boost their economy altogether a good public transportation service will make people spend less money use cars less often and cause less damage to the environment by decreasing the level of pollution okay all good ideas but none of them connect one to the other okay topic sentence is about enhancing public transportation and government duty or obligation to do this next paragraph is about people owning cars and not being able to afford owning cars and depending on public transportation next one is about investment for an investment the next one after that and the economy the next one after that is about the environment so I have too many ideas and I don’t know what this paragraph is about okay so I broke it down for you a little bit more let me just move out of the way here there is a paragraph on the side topic sentence enhancing quality mandatory governments next sentence owning a car good idea but not like it’s not linked to the government’s duty.

I have no idea what the government has to do with people affording cars or not or depending on public transportation or not the next sentence talks about other transportation leading to a good economy okay but how how does it do this what does the government have to do with this in terms of making having an obligation to create more public transportation how will this bring in foreign investors I don’t know what’s the connection to people affording their cars I don’t know now in terms of cohesion he started a sentence with seemingly some governments acknowledged as soon as he uses the word acknowledge then the word seemingly doesn’t work seemingly means it seems that if it seems that means it appears to be but not necessarily is but if it’s acknowledged then it is the word seemingly doesn’t work here okay and it’s just basically he’s trying to force in a transition word but it doesn’t actually work and especially since it’s contradicted by the word acknowledge last sentence better public transportation people spending less healthier environment.